April 2012
“When you live in a poor neighborhood, you are living in an area where you have poor schools. When you have poor schools, you have poor teachers. When you have poor teachers, you get a poor education. When you get a poor education, you can only work in a poor-paying job. And that poor-paying job enables you to live again in a poor neighborhood. So, it’s a very vicious cycle.”
—Malcolm X (via warriorsrise)
“Recent studies on literacy reveal that black males are fast becoming one of the most illiterate groups in our society. Many incarcerated black males live most of their adult lives in prisons. In past times, prison has been a location where many black males discovered books and reading for the first time in their lives. Conservative forces in our nation want to deny all prisoners access to books, claiming that reading is a luxury and not a right. Depriving prisoners of the right to read is deemed deserved punishment. That anyone should wish to deny access to literacy in our nation threatens the future or democracy.”
—bell hooks, in her book “Teaching Critical Reading” (via bowfolk)
A Dose of Dissociation
Today’s gratuitous self-diagnosis is related to dissociation. There are a range of experiences with dissociation, and this made me realise I’m down the more severe end. Today nothing seems real, and I can’t seem to connect with reality at all. I originally thought this was part of depression, but not all my friends get depersonalisation too.
I have odd little moments of dissociation sometimes, I think. What happens is that I start to wonder why my consciousness was born into this body in this place at this time, and then I just sort of…lose track of myself. The feeling usually goes away within a minute or so. My stoner friends always called it “ego-death” and said it was something that happened to them while tripping, but I’ve only ever experienced it while completely sober.
I’ve experienced it as both drug induced and sober haha. I was achieving ego death quite easily when I was stimming recently, but that was fine because it was only for a split second. This is like a slowing down, like grinding to a halt.
I’m pretty sure it’s an autism thing.
I think I need to organise my time and work out what stims/rituals help it.
“Heterosexists say that gay people “always want to make everyone gay” as though heterosexuals don’t always want to make everyone straight.”
—
Son of Baldwin (via sonofbaldwin)
I adore sonofbaldwin.
(via sexgenderbody)
A Dose of Dissociation
Today’s gratuitous self-diagnosis is related to dissociation. There are a range of experiences with dissociation, and this made me realise I’m down the more severe end. Today nothing seems real, and I can’t seem to connect with reality at all. I originally thought this was part of depression, but not all my friends get depersonalisation too.
Mommy Mojo: When Good Friends Go Bad – When to Let Go of a Friendship →
internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr.com
One of the most difficult choices we face is our relationships is when to hold onto someone and when to let go.
Sometimes we hold onto unhealthy friendships because we’re afraid of losing the person. Other times we hold on because we hope that things will get better. And then there are times we hold on because we don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings.
Whatever the case, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself to assess whether or not it’s time to let go:
Does my friend support me in all that I do?
Are you supported by your friend? Are you encouraged to grow through positive feedback or do you feel that your friend is competitive and critical? Many times friendships go bad due to jealousy.
Remember, it’s not about you. Healthy relationships should support you to become all that you can be without fear of out shining one another. A healthy friend will not only push you to succeed, but will be genuinely happy when you do.
Can I trust my friend?
Do you feel comfortable sharing freely with your friend, or do you find that you edit your conversations due to lack of trust? Is your soul whispering to you that you should not trust your friend?
Often we wait for concrete proof to substantiate what our intuition tells us about an untrustworthy friend. If you feel it, know it to be true. It is time to listen and allow your intuition to guide you.
Am I at my best when with my friend?
Do you like who you are when you spend time with your friend or do you find that you become someone else when in her presence? Do you behave differently, allowing your values and personality to shift?
Often, when engaged in an unhealthy relationship, we will mirror behavior out of our need to please and recapture the approval of the friend gone bad. Look deeply and acknowledge if this is taking place.
Is the friendship energy equally shared?
The difference between a friendship and an acquaintance is the equally shared attention, affection, energy and support. Does your friend reciprocate or take advantage of what you bring to the relationship? Do you feel that your generosity is taken advantage of ? Is your friend is never available when you need her?
If you are always giving support to your friend yet receive little or nothing in return, you are in a one-way relationship, which is not a friendship at all. It’s time to make room for friends who will give as much as they take.
If I met my friend today, what would I think?
Many of us maintain friendships simply because we have been in the relationship for years. Yet, if we were to be introduced to this person in the present moment, we may find that we have nothing in common.
Ask yourself if you still share interests and values. Look at your friendship with a fresh perspective. This person may not be someone you would want to develop a friendship with at all if you met her today.
Has my friend become toxic to my world?
Toxic is an extreme word, but the behavior in such relationships is often extreme. Toxic friends are the friends who drain your energy, are unsupportive, degrading and never share the friendship energy.
In comparison, a rewarding and healthy friendship is one in which you feel uplifted, supported, encouraged and the friendship energy is equal.
How to Let Go of a Friendship Gone Bad:
It is time to say goodbye to the friends who no longer elevate you and enhance your life. Breathe. Stand tall. Be Brave. It is time to stop taking care of an unhealthy relationship. It is time to take care of you.
Give yourself Permission
When any relationship is defined as negative, exhausting or toxic, the healthiest thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation. It seems there is an unwritten code that tells us we must be loyal to a friend even when the friendship is not doing anything but draining and sometimes sabotaging us. Why is that? We are certainly told in regard to all other relationships to set strict boundaries. Just us we end other unhealthy relationships or even business partnerships, it is necessary to end friendships that have gone bad.
The Break Up
You may either chose to have an open conversation, write a letter or simply let the friendship fade away. Be forgiving, loving and kind and do not look for an answer from your friend. Remember, you are finished spending energy on an unhealthy relationship. Your communication of your feelings should be just that.
Moving on
Life experiences will change who we are and as we change, we alter the people we attract into our lives. It is time to make room for those who align with who we are today. Just as clearing your closet of things that no longer fit you leaves room for more fabulous clothes, clearing your life of friends who hold you back and drain you will only make room for new and fabulous friends to come into your life.
It is time to embrace the idea that by releasing and letting go of a friendship turned bad, you will create more space for positive change within you. Our life is a result of the choices we make. Own that you are making the best one for you in this present moment. Let go, move on. You will find that you shine brighter and soar higher in all that you do.
The Able-Bodied Shuffle
- Non-disabled person: Oh you poor, poor disabled person, you must be so miserable! After all, you can't do the same things that WE can. It's so tragic!
- Disabled person: Oh no no no, it's okay, really, as long as our needs are accommodated we can do just as much as --
- Non-disabled person: ACCOMMODATIONS!? FUCK THOSE
- Disabled person: !?
- Non-disabled person: WHY SHOULD WE BE EXPECTED TO BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR YOU
- Disabled person: Wait, weren't you just saying --
- Non-disabled person: DON'T YOU KNOW THE NEEDS OF THE MANY OUTWEIGH THE NEEDS OF THE FEW
- Disabled person:
- Non-disabled person:
- Disabled person:
- Non-disabled person: But it's okay, I totally know how awful your life must be.
- Disabled person: Please go hurdle yourself into space.
Disabilities and Coping
As someone with a disability, one of the things I often hear is assumptions about performance. Usually it’s no one who knows me, or an overheard conversation, maybe it’s a scrap of overheard conversation or a side-note in a newspaper editorial.
What I hear is fundamental lack of understanding on the topic of coping. I’ve heard it from doctors, I’ve heard it from therapists, I’ve heard it most of all from people simply conversing.
When you’re doing - anything, no matter what it is - and you have a disability, there’s this tendency of assumption on the part of others that even if it comes back later, for now, your disability is gone. Poof. Vanished. Sure, while you’re lying in bed that afternoon due to stress and exhaustion you’re disabled, but three hours earlier, out grocery shopping, they see you and you’re fine so what gives?
Here’s what gives. I can’t speak for all, but for most disabilities there’s a cost of coping. There’s a cost of maintaining, of pushing back symptoms long enough to do sometimes even the most basic of things. When you’re getting your groceries you aren’t just getting your groceries, you’re also managing your energy and stress levels, monitoring your body, and yes
coping
The unseen cost of coping is what most people without disabilities don’t understand. That even when you appear to be asymptomatic, there’s a cost. That the ability to cope doesn’t necessarily mean you’re any less disabled, not when that hour long grocery trip costs you hours, or days, in recovery. So the next time you ask your disabled friend, or family member, or client, or patient, or student, why they can’t just do whatever it is you want them to do because you saw them at the grocery store the other day so they’re obviously capable of coping?
Please just remember that we pay for coping, just like we pay for not coping. The cost may be hidden to you, but it’s not to us.
-anon submission
(bolding by mod)
“All religions must be tolerated for every man must get to heaven in his own way.”
—Epictetus (via thelittlephilosopher)
I remember when I had a virtual party on Tumblr
Anons pretended to be party guests and I think I was offering hummus or something?
It was obviously a cool place to be.
Ah, Tumblr.
What stim toys do you use? →
fuckyeahstimming.tumblr.com
I’m quite interested in stim toys because I’ve never really owned one. The closest I’ve ever got is a rolled up piece of tin foil that I used to keep in my coat pocket, which I would spin around and push shapes in with my thumbnail. I’ve been meaning to make another one of those actually.
It would be good to hear about any objects you find comforting. In future I think it would be good to have a page for stim toys, including links to where each toy can be bought. Then we can hopefully create a huge list that is broken down into different categories.
What is it about me and categories?
- Rob
Reblogging in case there are any people on the spectrum following me that aren’t also following FY Stims for some inexplicable reason.
On the subject of self-diagnosis:
I’m a bit wary of doctors. I know everyone sees them as these shining paragons of knowledge and truth, the fact is that they’re human just like the rest of us.
Some doctors are Jaime Escalante and can do no wrong, other doctors are like that one professor who’s tenured and just phones it in, not bothering to keep up on research and not being able to handle it when they’re called out on being incorrect.
So it bugs me when people say that self-diagnosis is this horrible attention seeking thing, when the fact remains that you are the best judgement of what’s going on in your body.
I broke my ankle on both sides in 8th grade, and when they set it in a cast, I felt (cringe warning here look away if you’re squeamish)
the bones shift so that they weren’t settled correctly. Now, I was only about 12 or 13, but I spoke up about it. At first they didn’t believe me, but I finally made enough of a fuss about it that they checked and what do you know? It wasn’t in place. So then I had to go through them setting my bones again (ow) but at least this time it would heal correctly (until I had to get surgery because it didn’t :I )
My mom had a checkup with her regular physician and everything seemed fine, she was cleared for everything. She and my dad were cleaning out the garage when a box fell on her, hitting her in the right breast. She said that it hurt, but my dad said it was probably just bruised. She felt like something wasn’t right so she went back to the doctor to get it checked out, and when they examined her more thoroughly, they found a tumor.
More recently, my sister went to the doctor for ear pain thinking it was an ear infection, and they diagnosed her with sinus congestion and gave her Sudafed. After about 3-4 days on Sudafed, her ear drum burst because she did have an ear infection, but was misdiagnosed the first time.
Now maybe everyone else has amazing doctors and my family has shit luck, but the fact remains that doctors. make. mistakes. Doctors. are. not. infallible. Self-diagnosis is perfectly fine if you are 100% certain that that is what’s going on with your body. I mean, definitely see a doctor if you have the resources to do so (a second opinion never hurts), but don’t feel like your feelings are invalid and that only a professional can tell you what’s going on with your body/mind.
I hope this makes sense, I’m still waking up.
Play
This actually made me laugh out loud, hahaha
I thought it would make people hate me, perhaps now some do!
Looking out of my binoculars at what I think is a sheep looking right at me
Realising it is part of a bush. Looking across to another sheep eating grass by the fence.
Realing it is another bush of the same type. Scrolling across the landscape quickly saying “IS ANY OF IT REAL!”
Writing the beginning of this post, looking back at the view and realising the bushes were sheep all along.
Planned Parenthood is on Tumblr!
Planned Parenthood is excited to be launching our new Tumblr that’s all about sexual and reproductive health – bodies, birth control, relationship issues, “is it normal for this to do this?” type things. In the coming weeks and months we’ll be sharing what we know, answering questions, and just… tumblring.
We hope you like it! And we hope it helps.
oh woops I spent so much time trying to fit my commentary in that I forgot what I was initially trying to say! D: yikes! so yeah that probably did come off a little too... random... oops! sorry about that.
Hahahah well do come back if you remember!
Hope you dont mind my randomness! But this is in regards to that You may think you're an expert but you don't know everything post. As someone w/ AS (though my case is minor) I've seen documentaries that focused indepth of the lives of people w/ the disorder, but theyre very few and you have to really dig for them which is unfortunate. I've lived in shame my entire life b/c people arent willing to understand us past what the media shows them. :v 'lol arent u glad these arnt ur kidz!' >_>
I always direct people to ones I found (one and two) that are made mostly by the children themselves. It is a serious problem, and one that’s confounded by allistic people’s refusal to accept criticism.
Autistic people should be able to object when they are being portrayed wrongly, and no documentary is without its problems. Information on autism generally is shoddy at best, and the internet is a minefield of curebies and ‘special kids’.
Thanks for your message!
TRANS COUCHSURFING NETWORK - PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST THE HELL OUT OF THIS →
transcouchnetwork.tumblr.com
Hi! I just started a tumblr, the Transgender Couchsurfing Network. After seeing dozens of posts come across my dash about displaced or homeless trans people needing places to crash, I decided that there had to be a way to organize these posts somehow, and to put those in need in contact with those willing to lend a hand. If you’re trans and need a place to stay, or if you have a couch or floor or spare bedroom available for someone in need, I urge you to reblog this post, follow the blog, and get the word out. Everything is still under heavy construction, but the more people that see and hear about this blog, the more people will be able to benefit from it! I know that there are so many people here on tumblr who are in need of a place to stay for a night or two, and I also know how many amazing, wonderful people would be willing to host someone and help out a trans person in need. We all know what a huge problem unemployment and homelessness are for trans people (especially TPOC and trans women) — even a place to stay for a night can make the biggest difference! So PLEASE, even if you can’t offer up your couch, REBLOG AND SIGNAL BOOST. I really, really think that this is something that could help a lot of people, and I would LOVE to see this spammed all over my dash and the dashes of all of my lovely followers!!
This is excellent and I hope it helps someone.
(And of course there’s a lot of risk, but if you need this you are already at very high risk).
Play
0:25
“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge… is EMPATHY, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.”
—Bill Bullard (via nezua)
Avoid Using Google Drive →
theverge.com
This is a comparison of the Terms Of Service between Google, Microsoft, and Dropbox
DROPBOX“By using our Services you provide us with information, files, and folders that you submit to Dropbox (together, “your stuff”). You retain full ownership to your stuff. We don’t claim any ownership to any of it. These Terms do not grant us any rights to your stuff or intellectual property except for the limited rights that are needed to run the Services, as explained below.”
SKYDRIVE“Except for material that we license to you, we don’t claim ownership of the content you provide on the service. Your content remains your content. We also don’t control, verify, or endorse the content that you and others make available on the service.”
GOOGLE DRIVE“When you upload or otherwise submit content to our Services, you give Google (and those we work with) a worldwide license to use, host, store, reproduce, modify, create derivative works (such as those resulting from translations, adaptations or other changes we make so that your content works better with our Services), communicate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute such content.”
“**Trigger warning for ableist slurs**
Teachers hurled insults like “bastard,” ”tard,” ”damn dumb” and “a hippo in a ballerina suit.” A bus driver threatened to slap one child, while a bus monitor told another, “Shut up, you little dog.”
They were all special needs students, and their parents all learned about the verbal abuse the same way — by planting audio recorders on them before sending them off to school.
In cases around the country, suspicious parents have been taking advantage of convenient, inexpensive technology to tell them what children, because of their disabilities, are not able to express on their own. It’s a practice that can help expose abuses, but it comes with some dangers.” —The Associated Press: Parents wire kids to prove teachers’ verbal abuse (via samljbowman)
They were all special needs students, and their parents all learned about the verbal abuse the same way — by planting audio recorders on them before sending them off to school.
In cases around the country, suspicious parents have been taking advantage of convenient, inexpensive technology to tell them what children, because of their disabilities, are not able to express on their own. It’s a practice that can help expose abuses, but it comes with some dangers.” —The Associated Press: Parents wire kids to prove teachers’ verbal abuse (via samljbowman)
As a feminist writer I pledge never to use rape as a convenient plot point to give my characters (especially the women) a back story or conflict
If I choose to write about this sensitive subject, I will do so as tastefully as possible and use it to make a point about rampant misogyny and rape culture.
I will not abuse my female characters for the sake of “plot”.
Reblog if you pledge this too.
I’m in. Co-signed.
“
HAES is not exactly the same as size acceptance, because it focuses on health. But it replaces the weight-centered health advice with what we actually know empirically helps people be healthier, whether they lose weight or not. And it challenges the pursuit of weight loss as a solution to - well, anything, since we don’t really have a workable process for that anyway. But also because the idea that weight is the reason we are suffering and weight loss is what will deliver us from that suffering is a delusional, near-religious, near-omnipresent cultural belief that keeps people from working on their actual challenges and making progress.
And there is a lot that is familiar and some that isn’t familiar in that literature, especially the focus on what is sustainable for each individual. The diet-and-exercise advice has left a lot people really pissed off and justifiably so. I don’t really like to propagate advice like, “do this for x minutes” or “eat this and not that” because I would rather help people put their bodies back into the decision process. I can understand how this can sometimes sound “fuzzy” - because people sometimes want to be told what to do, not told they can find an answer within their own wisdom.
The general empirical evidence is that human bodies work best with enough (restful) sleep, good nutrition, raucous and playful movement, freedom from physical and interpersonal harm, a clean environment, and freedom from stigma. HAES focuses on that general advice, and the belief that when people listen to their bodies, they can usually figure out what kinds of food and movement make their bodies work best. HAES also explicitly directs us that these struggles cannot be solved with individual “solutions” alone, but only by changing the broader forces that make us sick and unhappy.
Think about how most of us learn to be toilet trained (bear with me on this). Here is a situation where your parents helped you take information you got from your body (I have to use the bathroom - or not) and pair it with responsive behavior (i.e., get myself to the toilet, or continue what I was doing). Most of us do not worry that if we don’t PLAN and MONITOR OBSESSIVELY and DISCIPLINE ourselves, our bodies will somehow pee or poop ALL THE TIME! We pretty much trust that we don’t have to sit on the toilet all the time, or every three hours, or never after 6pm.
But we don’t trust the very same process with food. And those of us who have dieted have been trained NOT to pay attention to our bodies - how to ignore hunger, how to fool your body into thinking it’s getting food when it’s not, to eat only at pre-determined times or places or pre-determined amounts off pre-determined plates. Our relationship with our bodies, which should be intuitive and cooperative, has become fraught with distrust and rage.
And so it seems like the only two processes are total restriction or total hedonism/rebellion/chaos.
But recall the toilet training metaphor. Those are the same problems a few families run into with that - a kid who is so anxious they can’t go when they think they have to, and they think they have to every 5 minutes, or a kid who angrily/gleefully rejects any input into how to self-regulate.
As adults we have to figure out how to self-regulate the things our bodies can’t just automatically do. And we don’t have very good models for how to do it, but some of us figure it out. Most people are pretty untroubled about temperature regulation - they get chilly and they take action to put on a sweater, no big deal. Most people are pretty untroubled about using the bathroom. We run into more problems when it comes to getting restful sleep or getting physical activity or feeding ourselves, partly because our culture has made so many of us feel like the natural biological size of our bodies must be changed, and that our bodies are diseased, and that they cannot be trusted.
Way back in the late 80’s Pat Lyons and I wrote a book called Great Shape which talked about the RIGHT of larger folks to pleasurable physical activity. Fatter people have no more moral obligation to exercise than thinner people. But they have a right to, and they have a right to activities and gear and clothing that are designed for them and paced for them. And it seems like, for most of us, our bodies tend to run better when we move regularly, so if you care about that, then the task becomes finding a way to do it that you like so you keep doing it. That you REALLY like. Or that is purposeful so you like the outcome, like the time you got to spend with your niece walking her to school, or the vegetables you grew and now get to eat. Whatever it is.
HAES is really a principle of making your well-being an important consideration in your decisions. It does take time to do this, it does take effort. But it is time and effort not in the service of making yourself “an acceptable size” or some other conformist BS, but rather in the service of your own life satisfaction.
” —Deb Burgard, Ph.D(via sugaredvenom)
Play
3:15
Also South Park is a fucking awful, lazily written, shitty show that wraps its bigotry and poor execution in the thin plastic wrap of "lulz we're satire".
Just sayin’
Family Guy is the same, it isn’t clear enough to guarantee the audience won’t use it to back up their bigotry. I prefer American Dad in that it’s marginally more obvious that his terrible views are of a main character that is supposed to be an asshole and not an average guy.
Just marginally though.
They’re all basically All in the Family clones. Hell, Family guy isn’t even subtle about it. They pay direct homage to that show right in the beginning of their intro. They all suffer from the same problems as AITF, too. Audiences just ended up identifying with Archie Bunker even though he was intended to be a satire. Same thing goes for these other shows.
That’s an interesting detail.
Family Guy isn’t subtle about anything, in fact most of their jokes are based around removing the forth wall and making blatant statements of opinion.
Stimming and Echopraxia
Do you ever see someone doing something that just looks so darn cool that you have to adopt it as a stim?
Personal example: this gif of Julian Barratt. For those who can’t see it, he’s moving his hands upward in a sort of ripply motion, like feeling his way up an invisible wall (I really wish I could describe it better than that). It made me incredibly happy when I first saw it, and imitating the hand motion made me even happier. Just now I had to stop typing and do it a couple times.
-Joey
My first reaction to this was “OMG IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S PLAYING A LOAD OF INVISIBLE PIANOS!” Now just thinking about it I almost did it, but contained it in a sort of spherical motion of my hands with a click of my knuckles.
Recently I’ve been demanding a room of my own so that I can do my uni work, AKA stim for hours on end. I MISS THE FREEDOM TO STIM AT WILL.
If I was in private, I probably would have done it. You can never really adopt things deliberately though, and the movement would probably be different but stylistically similar?
I NEED MY OWN ROOM BACK.
Just Stimming: Quiet Hands by Julia Bascom →
juststimming.wordpress.com
Reblogging because if anyone following this blog hasn’t read it, they must do so.
AND SHARE IT A THOUSAND-FOLD!
Also South Park is a fucking awful, lazily written, shitty show that wraps its bigotry and poor execution in the thin plastic wrap of "lulz we're satire".
Just sayin’
Family Guy is the same, it isn’t clear enough to guarantee the audience won’t use it to back up their bigotry. I prefer American Dad in that it’s marginally more obvious that his terrible views are of a main character that is supposed to be an asshole and not an average guy.
Just marginally though.
“
Mom said you were upset this evening. Try not to DWELL on the Asperger symptoms and the past. Instead just be yourself and try not to worry about what people MIGHT be thinking. If you start getting stressed, go do some Yoga, go for a walk or bike ride. Don’t spend so much time on the computer and looking up diagnosis or Asperger articles. Try and just think positive, keep busy with school and job. Get some REST, have fun with friends, get some exercise. Try and enjoy life. WE LOVE YOU LOTS and are here for you! Love u and don’t hesitate to call your mom or I or [sibling] when you need to talk. Now ENJOY LIFE-remember there’s always someone worse off than you! LOVE YOUR DAD!
Mom and I were talking about the Aspergers and even if you have it, its something you’re gonna have to learn to live with and COPE with it. Live your life-enjoy it. NOBODIES PERFECT-rise above it. When the going gets tough the tough get going! My favorite philosopher M.C. HAMMER said it best-TO LEGIT TO LEGIT TO QUIT! LOVE YOU [petname]!
” —I spent about forty minutes on the phone with my mom earlier today. I ended up crying again. A little while later my dad sent me this on Facebook.
I have no idea how to feel about this.
-T’sai
(via incompatableformat)
This is such a comprehensive list of ableist erasure fails. It’s almost like a parody. It reminds me of my post, things my family said about my bipolar disorder today.
All I can say is that it sucks, but you’re not alone and everyone online will support you. The trouble with family is you can’t choose them and you feel obligated to be nice to them.
But this is some bullshit, for sure.
(via flapjackstate)
What bugs me about this is that he seems to see reading/learning/thinking about autism as focusing on the negative. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve found that kind of research to be a positive experience because it helps me understand myself. And “COPE with it” seems to mean “shut up about your disability and don’t expect anyone to make accommodations for you.” I may be reading too much into it, but yeah.
(via joey-andromeda)
You’re not reading too much into it at all. Cope with it could also means “remove it and become normal again.” In my similar post I quoted my family saying “You’re obsessed with bipolar disorder! Now you’ve found it you won’t stop talking about it!” and “Stop blogging about it, stop thinking about it, stop talking about it.”
In reality, I should do what makes me happy. And learning about mental health makes me extremely happy, in fact it’s probably an autistic obsession. I love diagnoses, I love learning why I’ve always been socially awkward and explaining all the hardships.
Have I mentioned I like these things?
Question about Mozart and the Whale (movie)
There’s a scene where Isabel gets home to Donald’s house after a date. (ETA: She’s in his living room on his couch.) She asks him if he has any old food in the fridge.
He says yes.
She then gets a bit exasperated and says “This is about SEX!”
I get that there’s some social cue about sex that Donald has missed. But what is it? Does a question about old food have some kind of hidden meaning? Or supposed to be some kind of signal to a partner? If so what kind?
I really don’t get it and it’s been bugging me for years. None of my theories feel right. And I don’t have many theories even. Just utterly confusing.
Maybe it’s deliberately not a social cue, to show allistics what it’s like to miss them. Allistics end up wondering “is that what she meant? Why wasn’t she clear?”
I’m not sure if the writing is clever enough to give allistics that kind of learning experience though.
—
I spent about forty minutes on the phone with my mom earlier today. I ended up crying again. A little while later my dad sent me this on Facebook.
I have no idea how to feel about this.
-T’sai
(via incompatableformat)
This is such a comprehensive list of ableist erasure fails. It’s almost like a parody. It reminds me of my post, things my family said about my bipolar disorder today.
All I can say is that it sucks, but you’re not alone and everyone online will support you. The trouble with family is you can’t choose them and you feel obligated to be nice to them.
But this is some bullshit, for sure.
I appreciate the time you took to write to me. It wouldn’t bother me so bad if I didn’t know that he was trying his hardest to be supportive and loving, and that he really from the depths of his heart means well.
I could write a dissertation on “cowboy up” culture and the complications being a fireman adds to an extreme view of personal responsibility and “bootstraps” mentality, but I’m just so tired.
I just want him to be able to understand what is going on because I just know that if he could that shit like this would stop.-T’sai
One thing I found with my family is that their good intentions did not make me better. In fact, I found that I could do nothing with these intentions, and that they did not excuse their actions. If only I could take their frustration with my illness and get better so that it didn’t frustrate them, but I can’t.
I find it quite disturbing that people treat neurodivergence as something transient that should be overcome. Today my dad said “well done” because I’m feeling better and more able to do my degree. I would have thought that the time for praise was when I was battling the severe depression, but at that time I had to deal with the aforementioned good intentions and/or frustration.
One thing I always repeat to my parents is this:
“When you asked me how you can help, what did I say? I said ’I don’t need anything from you… just don’t tell me what to do’.”
I think that pretty much covers any scenario. I can cope on my own, but I don’t need people’s suggestions of how to overcome my own mental health issues. I am best placed to understand them, and I am best placed to solve them. These kind of pseudo-helpful suggestions are really draining, and I feel your pain.
Sometimes though, you’ve got to wonder exactly how much erasure and triggering can be earnt by the ‘good intentions’ promotional voucher (not redeemable for cash equivalent, see terms and conditions).
