*Not just cis women
i wouldn’t recommend taking a survey. i would recommend getting to know some autistic people, following their blogs and seeing if it all, in gestalt, fits.
Why not do both? A diagnostic tool can calculate whether you have enough symptoms to be significant. Plus the questions on the aspie quiz were extremely relateable to me, and mentioned experiences I haven’t seen elsewhere.
But yeah, certainly learn from and communicate with autistic people too.
I tend to ramble as well! I only found out recently it was called info-dumping, and that helps a lot to explain the experience of it. It’s like you have to say all the related pieces of information, regardless of whether other people (or even you) find them interesting.
Have you seen the post when speaking openly gets me into trouble? That’s quite related to rambling, and the wider approach to information that autistic people seem to have.
It absolutely makes the music better. I’ve actually had some of the best experiences of my life stimming to music, because I can create such joy by fine-tuning the experience.
It means a lot to me that you stim to music, because I’ve been doing it for so long without knowing why. It’s so good to be able to talk about it and feel validated by other people. I did a detailed post on stimming to music if you haven’t already seen.
If you want to talk about different aspects of stimming to music, I’m always eager to hear from you. I need more people to write about it for FY Stimming actually, because I seem to be the only person describing the ins and outs of the experience.
Would you be interested in submitting a post?
Have an equally lovely day!
Another one you can do is the PDD assessment, although that talks about childhood a lot. If you click on ‘how to rate’ for each section you can score it far more accurately.
There are also Asperger’s characteristics here.
I was in a similar position, where I thought some things about autism didn’t fit. The myth that we lack empathy and are never extroverts really confused me.
The best thing to do is to keep learning about it and see if it describes your experiences. If you have any questions I will try to answer them. You could also ask one of the advice animals, autistic kitten or aspie alligator.
I think they have more experience with this than me.
I’ve got this energy beneath my feet
Like something underground’s gonna come up and carry me
I’ve got this sentimental heart that beats
But I don’t really mind that it’s starting to get to me now
And I’m sick of all my judges
They’re so scared of letting me shine
These lyrics are taken from the title track of Sam’s Town by The Killers. You may have one of three reactions to the mention of this band. You may be indifferent to them. You may love them as I’ve recently begun to. Or you may hate them passionately, and believe it highly suspect that I could find anything good about them at all.
For a long time I’ve felt an incredible stigma for listening to what other people consider to be shit music. I used to listen to a range of embarrassing stuff, but I kept it to myself. If I ever told anyone about it, I would be ridiculed. Nowadays I regularly show music to other people because I desperately want the validation of a shared music taste.
But somewhere I’ve forgotten that my music taste is personal, and doesn’t need to be validated by anyone.
It cannot be ignored that shit music expresses the way I feel almost all of the time. My emotions are cheesy, predictable and sometimes embarrassing. My latest shit band actually combines this cheesy nostalgia with confident defiance, which is what I have been missing. I need to have the security to say I’m incredibly sentimental and I’m proud to be this way.
When people laugh at me, they laugh because they are uncomfortable. For someone to be genuinely in touch with themselves, even the embarrassing parts, is abnormal. It seems we uphold established ideas so readily that we end up hiding from our true selves.
Every time I’m embarrassed of myself, I should know that I’m on the right track. The new approach should be a simple statement to those who make me feel ashamed: you’re missing out on great music. I feel sorry for anyone who can’t form their own opinions. They are the people crushed under the weight of social expectations.
Not those they ridicule.
My life is a huge adventure to me, and it needs a soundtrack that shows it! I can soar above everything that could bring me down. My path is only determined by these questions: am I doing justice to the person I want to be? Do I spend my time on things I enjoy, or do I spend it on things I want to be seen to enjoy?
I long to tell people in the same position as me to go out and find the music that speaks to them. It doesn’t matter what people think of it. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed by what you cherish. Music should be valued by how much it validates and explores your emotions.
Only then will you feel happy and confident in who you are, only when you value yourself regardless of how socially acceptable that person is.
Here’s my favourite thing about this post. The points in bold mirror the bold lyrics almost exactly, but they were written before I had listened to the lyrics. The song had been playing in the background. The first verse is also remarkably similar to the experience I described in Grounding.
In other words, the sound and emotion of this music inspired this post. But, more importantly, it inspired me to express the exact same points as the artist, using some of the same words, without even knowing.
And if that’s not a good illustration of why you should listen to music that reflects how you feel, I don’t know what is.
(On why he let Willow cut all of her hair off)
Read more: Will Smith On Allowing Willow To Cut Her Hair: ‘She Has Got To Have Command Of Her Body’ | Necole Bitchie.com
- He raises a really great point. What would it mean to believe very early that my body was mine. That it’s not for anyone or for any particular purpose other than to be mine until I decide otherwise.
I was damned near 30 before I could believe my body belonged to me & me alone. Dear people who take an issue with this,
Let the Smiths do right by their babies & shut the fuck up about how you think they should parent.
Lot of love for Will Smith right now.
I wish my parents realized that when I was growing up.
I knew I loved him for a reason.
— Allan G. Johnson (via greedyinslavery)
True but limited. Because white women can get angry at people of color, neh? That’s socially acceptable, even if the man of color is the POTUS.
Race is relevant to the patriarchal order.
WHY ISN’T REAL LIFE LIKE TUMBLR
… and I just pretend, because it’s better than admitting to be a big lazy fail.
But then I look at people and I see how different they are.
I read what they write, and I realize how I would never think like they do.
Then I talk to them, and many times what I say is not understood, even if to me it sounds completely rational and of course makes a lot of sense.
Then I try to be more friendly, but nothing really changes, most of the time.
And when it does change, I don’t know how to hold on to it.
Then, when it fails, more or less slowly, I don’t know whether I should do something about it.
And when I don’t do anything, I guess it’s because I didn’t care in the first place, or maybe because the other person didn’t care and so I shouldn’t overdo it.
And I wish there were an instruction manual for all this.
I thought about responding to it, but then I stimmed so hard I dropped my laptop on the floor.
when you are lonely or in darkness,
the astonishing light of your own being.” —Hafiz (via seabois)
If you don’t think trans women are real women, then unfollow this blog right now. Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back. Transmisogyny is something I cannot and will not tolerate.
- be thin
- have a vagina
- give birth
- cook for you
- have long hair
- wear makeup
- have sex with you
- be feminine
- be graceful
- be white
- be fashionable
- wear pink
- love men
- be the media’s idea of perfection
- listen to your bullshit
- If you don’t physically hold someone down, you can’t be an oppressor.
- Racism is physically hating and acting on that hate based on a person’s race.
- White Privilege means you are rich and/or have an easy life.
- Pointing out racism is a racist act.
- Not knowing better is a perfectly justifiable reason to have hurt someone.
- There is a specific way to be (insert race here)
- White and whiteness are the same thing.
- Anger is childish.
- Using angry phrasing or curse words makes your point invalid.
- It is my job to teach you but not your job to search for knowledge on your own.
50: Percent who are black
10.7: Average time, in years, from conviction to exoneration
10,000: Combined time, in years, the 891 exonerated prisoners spent behind bars
1,170: Convicted defendants cleared in 13 “group exonerations” since 1995, following large police-corruption scandals, usually involving planted drugs or guns
My white skin does not make me the oppressor. I wasn’t the one who colonized Africa. I never bought and sold African-Americans in slavery. I never opposed integration, or worked against the civil rights movement. Oh, but other people of my skin color did, and so suddenly it’s on me?
I suppose that because the 9-11 attacks were carried out my Muslims, that all Muslims should share the blame. And that because the Armenian genocide was carried out by the Turks, that every Turkish-American citizen carries a bit of the blame.
I’m not trying to erase any sort of black history. I just fail to understand why there is this need to quantify our struggles, so that we can label whites as the “oppressors” and blacks as the “oppressed.” We all face struggles in life, whether they’re big or small, caused by race or not. I’m just sick of people telling me that I can or can’t do things because I’m white. Somehow, it’s okay to argue that I can’t do things because I’m white, but if I were to argue that someone couldn’t do something because they’re black, I’d be deemed a racist. Apparently, I have been oppressing their people, not through any actions of my own, but simply because the color of my skin links me to a certain group of people before me.
And I’m sick of it.
You benefit from oppression.
You benefit from genocide.
If you’re a white person living anywhere other than in Europe (and maybe even then) you benefit from colonialism and imperialism.
You cannot stop benefiting from these things, because privilege is not determined by you or your actions, but by the society you live in. It’s not your fault. But it’s not untrue.
It is your responsibility to recognize it.
The entire Internet is available for you to educate yourself. Your words come from a place of STAGGERING ignorance, so here’s a 101 list.
When white people say this I wonder:
- Did you or your family own any property, ever?
- Did you or your family make profit from ANY natural resource or travel by highway?
- Did your family ever wear cotton?
- Did you or your family ever travel by railroad, or use goods delivered by railroad?
- Did you or your family eat food grown here?
- Did your family ever receive public education?
- Did you or your family ever benefit from gynecology?
- Did you or your family ever benefit from cancer research?
- Have you received any inheritance at all from your family and can you verify they’ve made no profit from any of the above?
You’re right - you didn’t bring over the slaves, your ancestors made a tidy profit, stolen land and passed along the benefits to you*.
The fact that you never at once questioned your blood inheritance, how it came to you, or who it belongs to, or why you, who “did nothing wrong” but more importantly did no work nor properly paid those who the resources and labor belonged to, should deserve this “free” inheritance…
I don’t know, if a murderer kills your parents in their home, and I move in after the fact, do I get to keep the house and car they left behind? And I get to say, “Hey, I didn’t do it, I’m not the bad guy here!”?
Because, you know, that’s basically what you’re stating here.
(*Bonus section for people who ask, “But don’t POC also get some of these benefits as well?” Yes!
Now step back and consider: a) how many of those folks had the option to go home when they wanted to vs. being kept here against their will, through both threat of violence and exploitation keeping them from saving money and b) who the fuck has had control over the government this whole time and made sure no restitution was made to anyone?
Rub those brain cells together! Make the magic happen, you can do it.)
this is a great post but i just want to add that yes, white ppl in Europe benefit from genocide, colonialism and antiblackness. where you think all those colonizers came from in the first place?
the entire discussion on “Asian Privilege” and “privileges that Asians have,” is, from my perspective so far, completely dismissive and silencing of Asian women. and i’m still only speaking from a limited cis perspective.
Dont come telling me I have more privilege when I can’t walk down suburban streets in the daytime without getting harassed and molested by men, particularly men of color.
Dont come telling me I have more privilege when the rest of the world will take me less seriously should I be in a high paying, high prestige position than they will take other men of color who inhabit the same job.
I’m disliking the lack of intersectionality of discussions on Asians and the privileges we seem to have. i do have privilege. i have light-skin privilege. Another privilege I have is that my body is not criminalized. But can we also understand that racism isn’t binary? My body may not be criminalized, but it is already victimized, it is made to seem vulnerable and disposable. it is sexualized, and objectified. Why? not because I’m Asian, but because I am an Asian woman.
The thing that has bugged me the most in this discussion is the idea that privilege (in all it’s intersections) is a binary, instead of a place on a spectrum.
When I say Asians have privilege, people keep taking it to mean 100% white cis straight man status, but actually the breakout is more like:
- Some (not all) asians have straight hair privilege
- Some (not all) asians have light skin privilege
- Some (not all) asians have class privilege
- Some (not all) asians have non-criminalization privilege
etc. with the important rider, “But in general most Asian Americans have more of all privileges combined than most other POC in the US”. Which is not the indictment of asians (except where they support that privilege) as much as an acknowledgment that “In the arbitrary bullshit of Privilege rankings created by White Men, some people fall higher or lower on that scale, and who all is going to acknowledge it’s shitty and who all is going to go, ‘Yay me!’?”
And talking about the spectrum and it’s intersections is critical to dismantling it - both acknowledging the oppressions and for instance, how that compares to Black or brown women by comparison.
In the same sense, we can talk about a lot of women of color’s critiques of white feminism and it’s issues of intersectionality- white women are oppressed by men but ALSO have privilege OVER other women (and even men of color specifically with regards to race) in many ways.
The ways in which that privilege gets used, deliberately, is a place where they turn into perpetuators of kyriarchy.
That said, Asian Americans, men and women, both have used privilege OVER other folks at places, and this is where we need to check people.
I’m thinking of all the organizations, businesses and spaces that will hire an asian woman, but no one darker. I’m thinking about the Asian American activist party where they refused to talk to my black-chinese roommate or my thai friend because they were too dark.
Some people buy in, and the offering price is “better than those people” even though it will never add up to equality.
TRIGGER WARNING: cissexism, transmisogyny, sexual assault.
“Deciding to simply exclude trans women to make some cis women feel more comfortable is, in many ways, worse than patriarchal attacks on women because it’s one group of women deciding to “sacrifice” another group, doing the work of the patriarchy for it. I’ll give an example - at Pride London 2008, stewards took it upon themselves to exclude trans women from the female toilets in Trafalgar Square. THey did this the only way it really can be done - they decided to tell anyone they thought was a trans woman not to use those loos.
The upshot is that lots of trans women, who didn’t look like what the stewards expected trans women to look like used the loos anyway - I was one of them, and some cis women were, as I understood, turned away because they didn’t look sufficiently cis. However, the experiences of each group when challenged were different. I understand one butch dyke, when told to use the men’s, was let through after reacting angrily and even threatening physical violence. One trans woman, however, lacking the cis privilege to simply assert her gender identity and desperate for the toilet, went in the men’s toilet, where she was sexually assaulted.
When you exclude trans women from women’s spaces, be very clear that what you are doing is setting yourself up as the gender police, turning often vulnerable women away out of fear of a stereotype about who we are perpetuated by patriarchal society.
Exclusion of trans women is misogyny, and it hurts all women. Stop it.”” —
Sarah Brown in this F Word comment.
I love Sarah Brown. Despite being a Lib Dem, she’s also a really good politician.
How idiotic is that line of thinking?
A white person wearing things that belong to POC is acceptance?
Who the hell asked for it?
You what acceptance is?
Respecting where people come from and what belongs to them.
Putting on some kente and waist beads does not mean that you respect me. Knowing that they are not yours to try on when you see fit is respect.
I don’t want your progress. Progress is leaving people alone so they can live. Not allowing them to live because they are already living.
I don’t want your damned progress.
At risk of sounding ignorant and/or arrogant,
You should have stopped here.
how does one determine what belongs to whom?
Like, a hypothetical white person mightn’t steal anybody’s purse, but does like wearing bright colors and might buy a pretty pattern that is - unbeknowest to them - an indigenous pattern of someplace. Is that stealing?
Anti-oppression study isn’t based on hypotheticals.
And what singles out white people? Is there anything different in that exact same person, except of non-European descent, doing exactly the same thing? Is it still stealing?
What about, say, plaid, which is indigenous to the British Isles and more specifically to Scotland? Is it stealing if a POC or other non-Scot wears a kilt or other plaid material?
Sorry if I sound stupid.
European cultures are imperial. European modes of dress have been pushed on people of color through violence and domination.
Cultural appropriation is not just anything associated with the culture. It is about removing symbols from their context.
You have asked a human being questions that could be answered by Wikipedia and Google. Worse, you have gone up to someone who is resisting imperialism, who is resisting the destruction of their culture, and asked them, essentially “but why?” and “but what about this hypothetical?” and “but what about white people?”. Think about that for a moment. White people carved the globe up into empires and the continuing effects of that are felt today (not to mention, imperialism is still ongoing), and now you’re asking someone who people are trying to destroy the culture of “but what about white cultures?”
Right now I am not here to educate. I’m here because you’re doing racist shit and I’m here to tell you to shut up and stop doing racist shit. Google your questions and read read read read read. Do not ask them of people who are busy resisting systems of oppression that you benefit from.
- Me: what I find fascinating about going to far away countries is the pavements would be different.
- Dad: ... Yeah.
- Me: because I'm used to the British pavements, with the white curbs. But actually it may be different in other places. Like signposts as well, I'm used to them.
- Dad: there are a lot of differences.
- Me: but like the pavements...
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Thank you so much for putting this together!
If trans* people tell you something you’ve done is transphobic -
If people of color tell you something you’ve done is racist -
If women tell you something you’ve done is sexist -
If queer people tell you something you’ve done is homophobic -
If disabled people tell you something you’ve done is ableist -
If any oppressed group tells you that something you’ve done is oppressive -
- then you fucking. Don’t. Do. It. Again.
what not to do when someone asks you to use certain pronouns
- ask them why
- ask them whats between their legs
- tell them theyre wrong
- hammer them with personal questions
what to do when someone asks you to use certain pronouns:
- call them by those pronouns
- have a snack if you want w/e youre pretty much done here
So in Part 1 of this post I talked about deadlines. Now I will write about how I manage to meet them, or, at least, those of the short term kind.
To me, having a deadline doesn’t mean having to do the things right before having to hand in the work. Conversely, it means having a time frame in which I can do all the things I normally do, and I have to stuff in something I am told to do, or I must do but are not part of the daily routine.
First of all, I usually make a list of all the things I need to do in order to get the job done. Second, I will evaluate in which part of the day/week I will be able to carry out each of the activities more efficiently. Third, I’ll allocate the activities and carry them out.
Efficiency, in this context, depends on two type of constraints. The first is external - i.e., the environment can be more or less accommodating in certain days, or hours. The second is internal: there are parts of the day in which I am more awake and I can focus a lot, parts in which I get drowsy, others in which I get distracted too easily, etc. On such basis, I decide when to do what. Anyway, I try to have enough slack time (time-management gurus say 40%, but I guess it depends on the circumstances) to allow me not to freak out if something unexpected happens.
Now I will provide an example. It’s Tuesday evening, and let’s assume that on Saturday afternoon I will go to visit a friend for some days, by plane. The task (easy one) is to prepare a cabin-sized suitcase and not forget anything. This is the list of things I need to do:
- make a list of items to bring, dividing those that I have already from those I need to buy
- get suitcase from the basement
- buy the things I don’t have
- fetch the things I have and put them aside
- put everything in the suitcase.
List goes first, obviously. Let’s say that the to-buy list consists of plastic bag for liquids, mini-sized toothpaste and soap. I will fetch the suitcase tomorrow evening when I get back from work (external constraint: I don’t want to go down to the basement in my PJs, takes forever to get dressed). I don’t like going to the grocery store on Friday to get the stuff because it’s overcrowded (external constraint) so I will go on Thursday after work. I prefer to fetch the clothes and put them in the suitcase in the late evening because I’m hyper anyway (internal constraint), so I make some time on Friday night to do that. On Saturday morning I will put in the suitcase only those things that I need every day (eg. mobile phone charger). Better not to leave anything else for Saturday because I am half asleep in the mornings and I would end up forgetting stuff (internal constraint).
To be honest, this procedure might sound silly with making suitcases, but with school projects or work it has always been very valuable to me, and I recommend it.
sweeet!! I remember an educational counsellor trying to convince me that I wasn’t autistic because of my ADHD dx… despite the fact that the ASD dx was made by specialists
She STILL didn’t tell me I was autistic, which is pretty much what I was going for. When the report comes back it might say it. It’s very hard to get diagnosed where I live, but WHY?!
She noted down some of the online tests I did though, which were recommended by fyeahautismspectrum.
I told her I didn’t include Simon Baron-Cohen’s Autism Quotient because I think his ideas around empathy are pretty bogus. She agreed that just because autistic people have problems with socialisation, doesn’t mean they don’t care about others :D
iamthethunder replied to your quote: The good thing about taking exams in a small room…
That is an educational psychologist with the right attitude.
I know right? It’s quite shocking. She also showed the value of self-diagnosis by using my list of symptoms and online tests in her report!