Flapjack State

Sick of all my judges

I’ve got this energy beneath my feet
Like something underground’s gonna come up and carry me
I’ve got this sentimental heart that beats
But I don’t really mind that it’s starting to get to me now

And I’m sick of all my judges
They’re so scared of letting me shine

These lyrics are taken from the title track of Sam’s Town by The Killers. You may have one of three reactions to the mention of this band. You may be indifferent to them. You may love them as I’ve recently begun to. Or you may hate them passionately, and believe it highly suspect that I could find anything good about them at all.

For a long time I’ve felt an incredible stigma for listening to what other people consider to be shit music. I used to listen to a range of embarrassing stuff, but I kept it to myself. If I ever told anyone about it, I would be ridiculed. Nowadays I regularly show music to other people because I desperately want the validation of a shared music taste.

But somewhere I’ve forgotten that my music taste is personal, and doesn’t need to be validated by anyone.

It cannot be ignored that shit music expresses the way I feel almost all of the time. My emotions are cheesy, predictable and sometimes embarrassing. My latest shit band actually combines this cheesy nostalgia with confident defiance, which is what I have been missing. I need to have the security to say I’m incredibly sentimental and I’m proud to be this way. 

When people laugh at me, they laugh because they are uncomfortable. For someone to be genuinely in touch with themselves, even the embarrassing parts, is abnormal. It seems we uphold established ideas so readily that we end up hiding from our true selves. 

Every time I’m embarrassed of myself, I should know that I’m on the right track. The new approach should be a simple statement to those who make me feel ashamed: you’re missing out on great music. I feel sorry for anyone who can’t form their own opinions. They are the people crushed under the weight of social expectations. 

Not those they ridicule. 

My life is a huge adventure to me, and it needs a soundtrack that shows it! I can soar above everything that could bring me down. My path is only determined by these questions: am I doing justice to the person I want to be? Do I spend my time on things I enjoy, or do I spend it on things I want to be seen to enjoy?

I long to tell people in the same position as me to go out and find the music that speaks to them. It doesn’t matter what people think of it. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed by what you cherish. Music should be valued by how much it validates and explores your emotions. 

Only then will you feel happy and confident in who you are, only when you value yourself regardless of how socially acceptable that person is.

Here’s my favourite thing about this post. The points in bold mirror the bold lyrics almost exactly, but they were written before I  had listened to the lyrics. The song had been playing in the background. The first verse is also remarkably similar to the experience I described in Grounding. 

In other words, the sound and emotion of this music inspired this post. But, more importantly, it inspired me to express the exact same points as the artist, using some of the same words, without even knowing. 

And if that’s not a good illustration of why you should listen to music that reflects how you feel, I don’t know what is.