Flapjack State

Understand

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

You might not even understand why it is so wrong, and you definitely don’t understand why it bothers me so much.

I don’t even know how to make you understand.

How do I explain that being autistic does not make it OK for people to torture you in the name of therapy?

How do I explain that false treatments that would be considered abuse if the kid wasn’t autistic are… still abuse when he is?

How do I explain that triggering PTSD is not an acceptable way to fix a behavior problem, ever?

If you don’t get that those kids feel that pain, that those kids are fully human, how can I explain that?

Why do I have to explain that?

I want to explain.

I want you to understand why this is wrong.

I want to shout at you that I know autistics can feel pain because I am autistic.

But I see how you don’t think we’re quite human.

I see it when a man keeps his two autistic sons in a cage, the prosecution can prove that he did so (he admitted that he did so!) and the jury thinks it is reasonable protection.

I see it when mothers murder their autistic children and then the other parents rally around the murder, rather than condemning her.

I see it when, as soon as I tell you that I am autistic, I am suddenly too autistic to understand what is best for my own life.

Even though I was competent five minutes ago, before I shouted “I know autism doesn’t have to mean X because I’M AUTISTIC,” now I am not.

Now I am autistic.

Now I am one of those people who can not possibly have emotions, who cannot possibly feel.

Now teaching me is not education, but intervention.

Now abuse is therapy.

Because I’m not really a person either, it’s OK to ignore me.

To make you understand why the wrongness bothers me as much as it does, I have to tell you something.

That something is the one thing that will also make my opinion invalid in your eyes.

It will make you think I have no empathy, that I can’t possibly know what it’s like to deal with someone as

I think you have no empathy.

If you had empathy, you wouldn’t need me to tell you that torturing an autistic person is torturing a PERSON, and that it’s wrong.

If you had empathy, you would realize that painting autistic people as tragedies can’t be good on our end, and you would stop.

But you don’t stop.

And if I try to tell you why I care so much that you stop, I am the one who can’t understand.