If you’re poor why not ask your parents for more money?
- Me: You know, want and need are different things.
- Four year old: Whoa.
- me: i'll do it at 7PM
- time: 7:02PM
- me: oops too late gotta wait till 8 now
Abuse sometimes seems to run in families.
That’s not because traumatized people are more likely to be abusive, and it’s not because “hurt people hurt people.”
Rather, it’s because abuse stems from attitudes towards the world, and values regarding how you treat people, and those are often passed down through families. If someone is taught that the person with the power gets to do whatever they want, when they have the power themselves, they’ll do the same. If a boy is taught, by how his father treats his mother and sisters, that men have to be dominant and controlling, that’s what he’ll be.
Less dramatically, if someone is taught that it’s okay to hit people who won’t do what you want, that it’s not okay for people to say no, that admitting someone hurt you or made you uncomfortable is an unprovoked attack on them, that children have to accept whatever their parents say because they’re their parents, that family business is not to be taken outside the family, and they believe these things are right and normal, that is how they will rule their household as an adult.
This, of course, assumes acceptance of the family values. That doesn’t have to happen. It is possible to change the values you grew up with. It is also possible to resist the teaching and refuse to grow up with them. This doesn’t have to happen in therapy, or in survivor communities, although these may for some people provide help. All that it takes is to decide that how your parents did things is not right, and you will not repeat it.
Someone who has made a conscious decision to unlearn the values that enabled and caused abuse is not going to suddenly become an abuser thirty years later like a ticking time bomb. But passing around ideas like “unless they get to therapy, victims will become offenders,” or “hurt people hurt people,” makes victims believe they might, and can lead to self hatred, depression, suicidal thoughts, and similar. It also makes many survivors terrified of having families they want.
So maybe stop doing that, people.
If men’s kindnesses toward women were really only kindnesses, a man would be pleased if another man or woman offered these kindnesses to him. He would be pleased if another man or woman lit his cigarette or pulled out his chair for him. He would be pleased to derive his income, prestige, power and even his identity from his partner. He would take pride in another man’s or woman’s offer to walk him to his car at night. But in fact, “one of the very nasty things that can happen to a man is his being treated or seen as a woman, or womanlike.
My first love
was some insignificant boy
when it should have been
in australia we actually have a tv channel called ‘7mate’
well in britain we have a tv channel called ‘dave’ and if you missed a programme on it, you can watch that programme an hour later on their other channel called ‘dave ja vu’in america we have this tv channel called FOX and it’s not even about foxes
it just has lies
so that’s what the fox says